Source: Vernal Autumn Finale
A thousand times I’ve said before
Another thousand writ–and more:
Je t’aime plus qu’hier, moins que demain
To you my favorite, dearest man
I shall always love you ‘more than yesterday,less than tomorrow’
It has been my joy, but remains my perpetual sorrow
Waiting to hear your voice in the world past pain
I’ve sensed you here, know we shall meet again.
Watching when I, time traveler, advance to the when
Forgotten are coordinates of now with then
My heart aches so for those gone a-widowing:
One’s aunt’s husband, dear uncle, to heaven I’d sing
He, post-polio bellwether, like an older brother
I, their first “kid” 12 years till she became mother
Life and death in a helix swirl
Now I am no one’s ‘girl’
(Though they would all deny it)
Wear my solitary shoes: go on, try it!
Rarely so lonely: would that still be true
If I’d missed all those years, never been so loved by you
Loco love I had/have with you.
+ & –
Jenison January 17, 2017
How long will this pain stay with me
How often return to unsettle me
O, to know
There comes more snow
Making ambulation scary
Every step I take outdoors:wary,very
Some say that hell is fire
Purgatory snow should soon expire
Permutations we call winter weather here.
To relocate in south or west is my wish dear
Though even plane flights are hard to bare
Although destinations, lives I wish to share
It is an awesome leap to leave the net
What use to remain? Untried the bet?
For now I’ll layer like an enchilada in wraps
Then to the mailbox, avoiding slippery traps.
Walking necessary for what ails me
Each step praying no limb fails me.
Cry, body, never
Seek sun’s warmth ever
Try till pains leave~~ forever.
Jenison MI *Midwinter* 01/09/2017
The magi came, brought symbolic gifts, then fled
By the light of the same star that earlier led.
We heard of them, much about constant or guiding stars
Then baskets were passed so we could choose ours:
Each with a word to ponder today or all year.
When they reached me, I shrank back in fear
There, right side up, a huge one read “harmony”
‘O, please don’t let this be the star for me’
I quickly thought as I scanned the facedown others
Knowing it was mine, even as my heart felt smothered:
Events of past week, the sign no more Haarman y Hill
Remembered, but focused, grabbed it through force of will
It’s quits, but this Epiphany day you must know
I’m cherishing good days we had, all others I’ll let go:
Harmony is crucial facing surgery, I maintain,
It is what I wish you tomorrow, and thereafter to counteract pain.
May you be healed throughout efforts, and also with prayer
Of all beloveds near to you now, returning your care.
The bull pulled by his nose ring
enters the chute heavy with scents of fear
screaming erupts from the stands flummoxing him
to a point of paralysis, barely able to move forward ,
Unable to retreat. Aha! Escape through an opening gate!
prodded forward he emerges to total chaotic cacophony but
for the man twirling as a ballet dancer, cape aswirl in the
spacious ring as picadors emerge from their hiding spots to
force the bull closer to the gyrating gent
Mindful of their many practiced feints, he moves quickly to
avoid their speedy sharp thrusts
Finishing his pirouettes
el matador advances eye-to-eye now while
picadors retreat behind their fenced screens
When the cape flashes red
bull paws briefly, charges ahead~~
there can be no return to the closed chute;
training, fear, outrage merge, then
audience is upstanding, gyrating for the
blood sport they came to see:
advance/ retreat both man and beast
fencing flamenco partner the weighty beast to
His biped antagonist now brandishing his un- caped sword
Stomps, snarls, snorts the bull, charging as sword zeroes toward him
Ole!! Matador slices deep and well, blood flows from the startled beast
Que? Bull retreats, then, seduced, sashays then gallops to return the insult, thus
furthering well-placed thrusts which collapse him awkwardlykneels,
front legs askew; labors to unstably turn aside to rise while distant
crazed cheers thunder; el matador curls cape as magician would, but
does not magically disappear, no, his coup de grace
ends swiftly the torment. Then, with choreography of
ears removed, proudly, it would seem, he circles to display to all but
One pair of lifeless glassy eyes which lately dark with menace glowed
Within the hour el matador swings onto his home’s road
off we race 5 miles on icy snowpack to a
near collision with propane truck–potentially
tripling deaths en route to sister’s funeral,
not a word spoken of speed. Driver risked his own life through
miraculous control, drove into ditch to prevent
mirabile visu did not overturn full payload —
only topped-off tanks
entered our lakeside road in winter
A. drove greatly exceeding its low summer speed, then
hit black ice on the 90-degree road-turn
Mention surprise to his OCD perfection~never!
We voyaged in near-silence four hours. Though
my shock abated, it never left me.
O, God, Jesus!
it wasn’t only him
seeing rain from the window
Triggered tears for more than Jim
I may have been resilient,
Inured to physical pain
Now I have to leave anew
Evermore, far from family again
Struck! I do not do this well
No one around me knows
Piercing lightning hits my heart as
Too-short visit comes to a close.
Pray, keep me from sarcasm
When proffering goodbyes
Heard as stronger abrasions
I rarely do disguise
Even from myself, retro-glancing
I sadly realize
My words have been: not a way to part.
Past 70, I must hurry to learn
To show, to share my heart